Monday, February 26, 2007

FunkyPundit's Oscar Awards

Most Appreciated Performance by Underperforming Male Troupe: Will Ferrell/Jack Black/John C. Reilly. Funny, but not up their usually hilarious snuff.

Female in a Leading Role Most Likely To Amuse Without Eliciting Laughter: Ellen DeGeneres.

Performer Most Deserving of Future Hosting Role: Jerry Seinfeld. His two minutes were funnier than DeGeneres's four hours.

Greatest Failure in Attempts at Humor:
The rolling papers discovered while DeGegeneres "vacuumed" Kodak Theater. The lengthy set-up hardly justified the trite "musicians like pot" punchline.

Greatest Setback of a Social Movement: After so many Hollywood luminaries lectured America -- nay, the world, as they were wont to point out -- on the environmental violence wreaked by "global warming," expect the issue never to be taken seriously again.

Most Entertaining Non-Essential Feature: the "special effects choir."

Most Depressing Realization: Seeing in the eyes of Oscar recipients the sense that salvation had been reached. The teary pride was almost too much to bear. Receiving an Academy Award, for this crowd, is tantamount to entry into Heaven. Which is sad. The award is just a fake-gold trophy awarded by a bunch of like-minded, moral-preening sycophants who remove their heads from their asses only to engage their annual tradition of sanctimoniously informing how wondrous the smell. Hardly something to get worked up about.

UPDATE: David Kahane offers an insider's take.

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